opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
