didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
