she was so not down for the gang bang
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
