So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
