I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
