So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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