if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
