Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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