1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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