Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
