please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
