That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
