I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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