Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
