just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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