Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
