She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
