just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
