if only i could text you this smell
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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