my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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