Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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