i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
