I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
