in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
