am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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