I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
