Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I could make wine with my vomit
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
