i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
