I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
