I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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