I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My life is pants optional.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
