it hurts more in the daytime
Just cropdusted the office
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
