So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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