i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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