she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
