she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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