the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
