I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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