U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
