Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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