brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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