I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
