It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this beer tastes like vomit already
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
