You just made me feel so damn special
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
