Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize