"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
