Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
