Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
