Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
