A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
