i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm too high and old for this...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
