I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
pray to the hookup gods
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
