eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
