Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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