I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
