dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He kissed a someone with a penis
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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