she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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