4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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