And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
