I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
