So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
