he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
