Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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