Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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