My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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