i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
