He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
