and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
