goodnight i made you a song goodbye
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
