8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
