At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
