She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
